imadeapromisetoalady: gayblowjob: catsandcunts: is anyone even aware of how difficult it is liking femme lesbians? like try to fuckin’ pick one out i bet you’ll reel in 3 hipsters and a straight girl this so much it’s also equally difficult being a femme lesbian, because everyone assumes that you are straight.
lordsteeb: lemme just change into my pajamas. the ol PJs. jammies. lil jammy jammers. jam jams. my sleeper slippers + hush bonnet. dream garb. slumber pumps. nightmare raiment. hypnic haltertop. gotta go for a snooze cruise w/ my sleep peeps
sextingllamas: is it just me or is talking to your hairdresser the most uncomfortable thing in the world
have u ever accidentally opened the wrong cabinet in ur kitchen and it’s just like wtf how long have i lived here again
When you're watching a musical and someone in the...
elemeno-pee: theresstillbeauty: just a friendly reminder that if you drink and drive you’re a fucking douchebag and everyone hates you New Zealand’s biggest anti drink-driving campaign is literally
rhydonmyhardon: i fricken hate math jokes I only get them a fraction of the time
asap-tran: really-shit: If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you. fuck
I’m like that. Either I forget right away or I never forget.– Samuel Beckett; “Waiting for Godot” (via sickur)
i really need a day between saturday and sunday
nufang: Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don’t have to. But you probably will, because I’m hilarious.
sorryforpartybarackin: i feel like everyone has at least one friend whose mom you like better than your actual friend
dazegetbrighter: what if rocks are actually soft but just tense up when we touch them?
uraiah: uraiah: i got a lamb today and i named it meryl sheep wait til I tell meryl sheep she got 7 notes
parkwaydriive: reasons to date me 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: please
buttharrybutt: buttharrybutt: i lost my mood ring i dont know how i feel about this
australiansanta: hepatitisbey: Do the Irish and Australians really swear as much as the stereotype suggests? what the fuck does the stereotype suggest u prick
muffin-bitch: katnissandhermione: i just realised there are more nipples in the world than there are people what the fuck you’re right
misha-let-me-touch-your-assbutt: When your teacher is nice but can’t fucking teach When your teacher is mean but teaches really good When you’re teacher is nice and teaches really well, but the class is full of fucking twats When the students are well behaved but the Teacher is still a fucking bitch when your teacher keeps getting replaced because it’s defence against the...
poorchrysalis: i hate when ur out of the loop and miss everything important. what do u mean they hooked up. what do u mean u have a boyfriend. what do u mean someone shot archduke ferdinand
chekhov: Today I put my hand in my backpack and felt a stress ball and I was like “oh? I have a stress ball?” and I squeezed it and it was a pear and it exploded and now I’m much more stressed than I was earlier :/
erossum: awkwardlilgirl: nodaybuttodaytodefygravity: are-you-my-tennant: neilpatrickheaven: i just really want a musical where theres one character who doesnt know how any of the songs go #favorite disney prince because he doesnt understand hes a disney prince
vriksaserket: someone called me fat today at school because i was eating chips in math class so i looked at them, then to my bag of chips, then poured the rest of the bag inside my mouth and without breaking eye contact, pulled out another bag from my backpack and kept eating
shavingryansprivates: fun prank idea lay in bed for the rest of your life
rnikedirnt: rnikedirnt: my health teacher has a sign in her room that says ‘if you cant handle the word vagina, then you shouldnt have your penis in one’ i wonder if my health teacher knows that shes tumblr famous
fictitiousfake: J.K Rowling said that her inspiration for Hagrid came from when she was 19 in a pub in the west country and this terrifying looking guy came in with these other biker guys and the only thing he talked to J.K about was how his cabbages were getting on
misandrymydearwatson: we’d probably already have hoverboards if we didn’t spend so much time arguing over whether women are people and if they should be allowed to do science